Mood:  happy

My life been good! I think I am starting to loose feelings for Jay because Davontay and I know I am loosing feelings because when we used to be on the phone I was so uptight and didn't know how to loosen up and tell him how I felt but lastnight when we were on the phone I was just telling him alot of stuff that I didn't feel because it's easy for me to tell a person good things when I am not feeling that way! And usually I wouldn't tell him that I was flirting with Greg and other guys but I did and I even asked him did he like Denise and I didn't care whether he did or didn't. Yesterday I had tried for the track team...that stuff was tough but it'll get better hopefully but afterwards I was with Davontay! Me,Kezia,Benjamin, Davontay, and Alandrea was playing on the 3rd floor then after they went to the 2nd floor me and Davontay stayed to talk on the 3rd! So he wanted to kiss me and so he kissed me on my cheek and I kissed him back on his cheek and then he said he was tired of the cheek stuff that he wanted to kiss my lips...so I told him to kiss me and he peeked me on the lips~I wanted more than that~ so I was like I thought you wasn't a bird and didn't do peeks so he was like let me recheck my status then he came back at it again but 2 times I pushed him away~ I was too scared~ then I told him okay I was then he layed it on me as he says! But we kissed like a dozen times and it was so funny because afterwards the smile on his face was crazy!!

Fast Fact: Grego wrote me and was saying he was sorry and all about him and Mercedes and then Dan hugged me today and was talking about how in a while he going to love me

~On Cloud 9~

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Me and Jay back together and whatever but it'll never be the same because I aint even feeling him anymore~atleast not like I used too~ and me and Grego aint talking no more because he tried to talk to Mercedes and that's my baby and no guy is going to be able to get in between us and then try to play us like we a deck of cards! Another thing me and Davontay are together now! We had hooked up Wednesday (1/30)...he tried to kiss me the next day but I couldn't because the camera was in my face and I wasn't ready at all it was so funny though to me but when I finally was ready and was about to kiss him everytime someone intervened but it's okay maybe this Wednesday we can. But I took Davontay and made him my main and Jay just a dip. If only I knew Greg off the block and not from church I could have got with him too and they all would have been getting played but I can't so as for now I am just going to keep him posted and play around with him! But other than those things nothing major has happened

Fast Fact: I am going to Mercedes's Valentines Day Dance this Friday! and I like Marquise again somedays he just be looking too damn good...lol...but I wont do Davontay like that!

~Satisfied~

Princess

My days been going past kind of fast...really like really.! I mean like man it's crazy...I would thought that I would dwell over Jay and be so  sad but I can't do that because I been getting up with Grego...like hello they know! We be talking like all the time and I want to put shawty into the game but the timing aint right because I just knocked Jay out!~ He be calling me pooh and clearly thats my boo and I aint letting go of this one! He is supa funny though....he be having me on the fasting going...his jokes be kn-kn-kn-knocking! We be talking about the craziest things and I like it! He be online ready to message me like waddup all day we up in there!

FastFact: Out with the old in with the new thats why I am cearky done with you!

~I'm like so Grego crazy~

Princess

It's official now...me and Jay is done with! I am so done with "relationships" because lately they've all been my downfall and besides I don't need no boy in my life I've got all the important guys in my life already [my brothers,uncles,and dads]....why should I want more? But I am kind of hurt because Jay was really special to me and I didn't want to let go just yet but I couldn't play myself out and just act like he never sent that message to Alexis that said:

"I hope that is you in that picture because yall look good almost make me want to forget that i have a gf...what is your name...you look like a type of person i would want to get to know"

There was nothing wrong with the message up until the part where he say "make me want to forget that I have a gf"....I don't want to be forgotten especially not by him when I love him more than anything but that just proves that he didn't feel the same! I knew he wasn't going to be the one in the first place but atleast I tried.

FastFact:I didn't cry!

~Sad~

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Life has been good and again  can't complain....my days been going by in a rush and it make it feels like my adulthood is approaching sooner than ever imagined! I am trying to slow down but that feel impossible! Like everyday I have something to do and it makes less time for me to just chill....if I would want to chill I would have to eliminate something from my schedule...that's crazy! Like today for example, I have a job interview and Jay wanted me to come see him play in his game but I can't do that because the interview. Friday, Demarkis wants me to go up to Bond with him but I can't because I volunteered to help Carol at her school! Sunday, somebody wanted me to hang with them but I can't because I already told Ms.Collier I will go to night service at church with her....I can't keep pushing people away...then again I have to because these are my responsibilities and I fully understand that! I get tired almost too fast....ususally I would be out around 2 lately it's been like 11....I am trying to fit praise,worship,bible study, and praying into my daily life but it's sometimes hard but this is something I absolutely have to do because it's essential and an substantial part of my life right now!

A couple of change...I am also talking to this guy named Gary...but he only in 8th! That kind of came as a shock to me ...but he is tooo fine to just let go because of grade difference. Matt is back to feelig that we can't talk like that because I push him away since my last 2 weeks been hectic! Nick and I barely talk~we talked for half an hour last night though~.....Me and Merisha back cool....Jay and I are doing better than ever~I think~.....! And as crazy as it may seem I think I am in love with Davontay because everytime I see him I get a rush~like a shiver through my body~but I never go over and talk to him because someone is always by him and I don't think he likes me anymore.....I am starting to like Dan a little~he calls me all the time trying to talk but I am not sure that he's feeling me in that way or not~we suppose to hang out after school today....and I don't like Akeem anymore....feeling change but the person remains the same!

Fast Fact: I like another boy from church...his name is Greg~Denise cousin~but he too short and his mouth kind of messy!

Slowly Changing

Princess

Mood:  cool

Well I guess I am doing fine! My whole fasting is EASY! Sometimes I get tempted to eat but I back away because I made a promise to Jesus that I wouldn't! So everything is fine....including my relationship. I saw him yestersay at the church because he was suppose to help me study~which he rarely did becayse he had to leave~ but that was cool! Some young boy had helped me..I never caught his name! But I also saw De'Aire....I get to see Jay today also!

Fast Fact: 3 days left!

Haven't been able to get on and write in a hot minute,but I am back but I don't know how long it will be until I get back on again! But for my social and personal life updats there are not many but a couple of things taking place now! Well I am fasting and today is the second day....it is getting way easier. Akeem told Kezia he likes me but is in a relationship~I don't wish them the worst of luck,but he should be with me~ me and Jay's relationship is getting way better and we are able to talk without one or the other catching an attitude! I decided that I am not going to let him get to my head anymore and I was going to treat him like the "king" he claims to be,when you love someone you just want to make things right! Also I am going to go see him today after school at the library so that he can help me with my biology work! I think that I am liking Marquise again but I will not get involved in another "relationship" with him because he isn't boyfriend material. Dan has been calling me and all but we don't really get along well on the phone so I can't say that I like him, atleast not like I used to but I think he liking me just a little bit. I seen Davontay yesterday after-school when I was in the library finishing my World Studies project and he came in with Julian to work on something...I haven't seen him since like the last day of school before we went on break....but I told him how I felt but didn't want him to reply back to it! So he didn't....like a dumb boy would/wouldn't do! I just don't get why every boy at this school I try to go with has a girlfriend or something....maybe there's a reason like because me and Jay are meant to be or something! I don't know....I bet one day both of them are going to come with me when I decide that I am done and through with them! Jermel refuses to talk to me or see me...I feel bad because I still like him very much...only like!

Final are coming up from this Thursday-Next Friday....I am so not ready and then again ready in a way! But I just know that in World Studies, Chinese, JROTC, Survey Lit., and Mixed Chrous I am going to do good...but Algebra and Biology I am a little worried about...especially Biology! But I am going to study hard so that I do get it!

The other Nick,Matt, and I got into it with Alexis we all turned against her because she was being a back-stabber by talking about us behind our backs so we erased her from our circle of friendship so now its the three-Amigo's not the Quadroplets anymore! Besides she caused many problems amongst us anyways! She had wrote some stuff on her blog on Myspace and so did I but my mom made me erase it when she call her but I let my mom hear one of the voicemails she sent me!

Fast Fact: I made up a song it's like....."I wont listen to what people say 'cuz they don't know how much I'm hungry, I'll put it out my mind because I'm starving they don't know what I'm missing"

~Doing So Much Better~

Princess

I don't really want to stay but at the same time I really don't want to leave! I don't want his first love experience to be bad but how can I just allow myself to go on trying to maintain togetherness in our relationship when I really don't want to? I really do love him,but should that determine whether I should stay or leave,love doesn't justify all the wrong-doings. How could what's making me want to stay also making me want to leave? I told myself that I would love him and stay with him but now I just don't have the answer..I keep asking myself do you love him? My answer is yes...when I ask myself do you want to stay with him? My answer is kind of...when I ask myself can you leave him? My answer is no I just can't do "it" without him! Love just got me so weak now that it's almost ridiculous...but what's more ridiculous is that I have to ask myself "is this really love" because I just don't know if it is!

Fast Fact: Alexis let a stud feel on her and now she is thinking about becoming a bisexual!

~Hating Love~
Princess

Well yesterday Alexis,Demarkis,Mercedes,Jay,and I went to the movies at Ford City Mall to see One Missed Call...we missed like 10 minutes of it though because forst we went to the Food Court and all....but what we did see was good,that was a good movie! Me and Jay didn't kiss that much though like the last time or anything but still I had a good time until the end. Well we went to Wendy's afterwards Jay and Mercedes got something to eat then when we was walking out Mercedes stepped on some girl shoes and the girl rollled her eyes so Mercedes japped out and then so we was about to fight them until Jay  and Demarkis walked over to talk to them then they turned away. Then Jay come over us and we playing and everything all cool but then he said that we was going to get whooped so I got mad then cursed him out and he was getting mad because he was trying to talk to me but I wouldn't listen so he walked away and got on the bus! But I felt so bad because I loved him so much and I messed up real bad then I thought he was going to break up with me and I was getting scared,then he called and.....

All he said was that he loved me and all but that night was not cool so I apologized then we got into a deep conversation! We had a talk about sex and stuff,I didn't even feel uncomfortable talking to him about it and I even told him that if we was to get to point in our relationship that I would actually go through with it,and I meant it! I think I am ready to have that intimate sexual intercourse with him because I am in love with him,so I want to share that moment and first-time experience with him~but I think I am going to talk to my mom about this first....~too scared though~...but I been thinking about that real hard and I feel that I am ready but I am going to wait until we make it to a year before I actually go forth and actually have sex with him! I talked to my brother Nick and Aleis about it but Nick made more sense about it.....but I want to do it with him but just not now....

FastFact:Demarkis and Mercedes was kissing in the movies yesterday!

~Just Fine~

Princess

Well I cant wait until tomorrow to see Jay when we go to the show. Alexis is coming also so that should be interesting,I guess!!! We are going to see One Missed Call...so yeah I guess! I miss him already I love him to death, I wish he could understand how much I need to be with him...but I dont know how to tell him that. So I just try to show it.

Fast Fact: C.J try to come see me!

~Fine~

Princess