Mood:  not sure

I'm just so pissed at DJ right now! I can't believe he got mad at me because I said that maybe I'll be a virgin forever since I can't take the pain! He says that sex is important to him because he don't want to be a virgin forever, so I suggested that he have sex with another girl...and also added 'what makes you think we'll be together forever?' That's what really pissed him off I guess! I think I am just going to chill from him for a while because the last thing I need is a guy pressuring me to have sex with them, besides he's not in love with me anyways so that can wait until he does fall in love! I am soo damn mad though! I don't know what to do! I just can't believe he got mad at me and got his things to go...then tried to talk to me, I hope he got all his words out because he wont be talking to me for some time! I don't feel that I'm overreacting...after all this is my innocence we're talking about and sex is like a commitment to me! Your first becomes a part of you..and I just was to be assured that whoever it might be with will always be with me! I just don't know whether he ready to commit to that!

Fast Fact: I am ready to cry right now...and I miss Manny!

~Sad

Princess

Mood:  sad

Today was a nice day. Me,Mercedes,DJ,and Demarkis went out to eat at Old Country Buffet then afterwards we went inside the mall, where I saw Cassidy. Life been great with DJ, he's been good to me treating me with extra care, touching my body with passion and making every kiss we share full of love. I really do love DJ but I can truly say that my heart is not with him!

The person I feel for is Manny. I don't know how, but for those 2 weeks we spent together in the midst of that, I just fell for him and he fell for me too. But not that we're separated I don't know how to handle it. I mourn to feel his touch again! I loved being around him and the way he treated me...I love hearing him call me his angel, he was my angel too. I love the conversations we share over the phone, but I rather be near him not saying a word than away from him talking all day at any time! But it's just too bad that my cell is off and my mom battery is dead so we hadn't talked today, and I'm missing him now more than ever, I could just cry! I can't get any sleep and I don't know why....but he's just on my mind and I needed to get this out. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met...he got our picture made on a shirt, that's the nicest thing  a guy has ever done for me! I want to be in his arm now more than ever! I love him, but I know it's wrong because I have a boyfriend that I mean the world to that walks to come see me every day and does what I says without a problem and holds me whether I want to be held or not, but I just don't know why it's not him that's my everything when I'm his everything. He expresses how he wants to marry me when we get of the age and we even planned our future together with our children names and everything...but that's not it for me! I don't know if this is just a phase I am going through, but I think I have it bad for Manny, and I know he has it just the same for me! I think I should just stick with DJ, besides my family loves him and I love him too and I wouldn't think twice to say that he loves me too, so I am just going to have to go off that...but that don't mean that I don't still love Manny, because I do!

Confused,

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Yesterday was crazy. Me and Dj was in my room again and was kissing and watching Juno and Tv, I gave him the biggest hickie ever. It's all over his neck but he liked it so it was whatever. I have a hickie too but it's nothing major compared to his! His is all around his neck, he was oohing and ahhing when I gave it to him. But today is his day to pleasure me, he is going to play with me, he wanted to do it yesterday but I was busy on his neck. He tried to have sex with me but I didnt want it to fail again, maybe today. Plus I didnt want to because he is not in love with me.

Fast Fact: I have a meeting today, Dre graduated yesterday. 6 more days until I leave.

~Ok~

Princess

Mood:  surprised

Me and DJ got so close to having sex. We tried but my hole was just so tight that he couldn't get it in no matter how much he played with me. Well I told him that I was a virgin so what could he expect. Let me start from the tops...him,me,Dre,and Keunna was in my room watching Coach WoodLock...or whatever the name of the movie is and so then when the movie was over Keunna and Dre left so then me and him was watching the Cookout and all and we was kissing then that movie went off and we started watching Catch That Kid and all thats where it all happened. He undid my pants and all and undid his belt buckle and then he fingered me and kept pushing it in but it was hurting so I was moaning then he tried to stick it in but he didn't want to force it so he stopped then fingered me again and tried again but still couldn't get it so we was kissing and moaning and whatever then  I said maybe we should try another day because it wasn't working so I changed my panties and put on some pajama pants and then we layed there and talked about it then we kissed some more then he left. That was crazy. I am just so shocked and it kind of hurt because of the fingering, I feel funny.

Fast Fact:Me and Dj talked about all he knew about sex and thats how we started to try, but it wasnt looking to goo

~In Pain~

Princess

Mood:  sad

I am in a very difficult situation right now! Tomorrow I have to tell DJ that when I come back I will only be back for a week and then I will be leaving back out of town with my dad to go to Minnesota with him because my little sister want me to be there then when I come back it will be for only like a couple of days then I will be leaving again....I think I am just not going to go with my dad because being away from DJ that long is not going to work for me...I am going to miss him just way too much! I don't know what I am going to do!

Fast Fact:Dad is in town and he went to all their grads.

~Sad~

Princess

Mood:  irritated

I am getting a little sick of DJ. This boy had the nerves to tell me that I am getting fat...that's the last thing a boy should tell a girl that they are in a relationship with and he talked about the bump I grew on my face when I didn't talk about that cold sore he had on his lip but thats cool he just better not speak to me for the rest of the time we are in school~I don't think I mean this but anyways I am going to stop eating junk food and exercise with my mom so that I can lose weigh I guess. But anyways that's all the bad news. Day before yesterday was cool though when we were laid up on the couch watching a scary movie and kissing...that's all.

 Fast Fact: Nikki graduate today

~Mad~

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Nothing exciting , Dj still haven't found Dee-Dee jump drive. I am getting scared now!

Fast Fact: Boosie got beat up by Bling, it was crazy!

Mood:  happy

Yesterday I stayed after school and all and went to a study session and walked home then I went home and ate then went to see Oppy becauseit was her birthday, we didn't get to talk because there was a situation she was in that made her dispositioned to talk.

Dj had called me and we talked for a hot while, he never called me back but I wans't really expecting it because he never really call back when he says that he will but I know that he has a lot of people living in his house so talking on the phone isn't always gauranteed but I can't wait to go see The Strangers with him.

Fast Fact: Oppy is 7 months pregnant

It's crazy how you could be so mad at a person one second then the moment they talk to you everything changes!

Yesterday I went to Dee-Dee's play and I wanted DJ to come along too but he didn't and I was mad about that and said I wasn't going to speak to him for a long time and all then another thing is that he rather come in my house and play the game than hang with me, I don't mean to be selfish or nothing but I think he should be spending time with me...after all it is my house he be at! So I cried and decided that I wouldn't talk to him then at 11:30 something at night he called me and was saying how his aunt is in the hospital from a heart attack and that he was about to knock Janaixa out for talking about my house and all,that right there made me get real quiet and not want to talk anymore because it is true but just because my house is a little messy doesn't mean that's me and anyways it wasn't us that made the house that way, it was Crystal's friend Tiffany. But for now on I am not going to even be that way and say I'm not going to talk to DJ since he hasn't been talking to me I am just going to study for my final and deal with life one step at a time!

~Not So Good~

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Okay well I have some stuff to write! For one, I was arguing with Janell on Wednesday because me and DJ was just talking and all then they was across the street at Demarkis house and he wanted to ask me a question then she opened her big mouth this how it went:

"Don't ask her nothing!"

"He can ask me whatever the fuck he want 2."

"Okay."

"Okay den."

"Who the fuck she think she talking to?!"

"I'm talking to yo' ass,"

"No the fuck you aint."

"I'll beeat yo' ass bitch!"

"Come do it den,bitch! Come do it!"

So I took my jacket off and gave it to DJ and pulled my phone off the clip and handed it to Dre or Demarkis, flipped my shoes off in the middle of the street and was like iight bitch let's do it. This scary how gon' sit back down...then so I just left and DJ walked me to my house and we was talking then I told him that tomorrow I was going to fight her as soon as I saw her. So then the next day I went to Demarkis house and I gave him his rough draft paper, then I was telling him how when she come over here I wasn't gonna say nothing I was just gonna stick her ass.....so Cara,Coral, and Janell came over. So I was just standing there like man whatever because she wouldn't step close enough she was standing down at the end of the pathway in front of Demarkis house... Coral and them wanted to see a fight so they told her to come here and as soon as she walked close enough I jabbed her ass dead in the jaw and step back like come on bitch I been waiting for this all day...she pulled her stuff off and came toward me and pulled my hair and was hitting me in the back and then I was going dead in on her ass and knocked her lip ring outta her mouth I was giving it to her ass then Boosie broke it up!

Fast Fsct: I think I am starting to like Benji.!