Mood:  a-ok

Yesterday I was ready with DJ but he wasn't getting "happy" so I was kind of mad and decided that I give up on trying to have sex with him, and that me and him should separate a little more! Jermel suppose to come see me today....Bri has micro's and keep flinging them making me so mad!That's all.....

~Princess~

In school....

Mood:  sad

Well last night Jermel came over here and before going out to meet him,I asked DJ was that cool with him and he aid it was. Then so I went with Juke down to meet him and Doc. Then DJ came to get Jiuke and all and then came back with Demarkis spoke to Jermel, but he didn't speak back then they left. Then we went to sit on the stoop at the corner...most of the time I was treating Jermel and talking to DOc and trying to keep Jermel from touching me and getting too close because I'm with DJ and I don't want to mess that up.Then later on Demarlon and DJ walked pass but didn't stop to say anything so I didn't say anything to them...like when I walked off on Jermel he called me back then tried to hug me and DJ saw that so he walked up and said how long you going to be out here talking, then I said I don't know then he walked off super mad so Jermel said bye then I caught up with DJ and we went to my room and he was just trying to treat me and argue and yell because the fact that Jermel tried to touch me and I didn't walk away plus when I asked Jemrel did he like me and in love with me like he used to be. I felt bad and I loved DJ with all my heart and I don't need him being mad at me!

Fast Fact:We all good now!

~OKay~

Princess

Mood:  sad

2 days ago I wrote DJ a letter telling him that I was in love with him. But today we got into it because he hti me and so we were arguing then he asked for the letter but before giving it to him I said it was garbage and he read it and asked why, I said because I lied and I'm not in love with him and he told me he was and hurried up and left. Now I can't stop crying because now I think he going to break up with me, and I do still love him.

Fast Fact:Oppy baby is a girl and is due August 20

~Sad~

Princess

Mood:  d'oh

2 nights ago me and DJ was laying in my room and so I asked him "do you think we should let each other go a little more?" he asked did I think so, and when I said yeah, he said well then yeah too.  My reason for saying that I told him was because I didn't want to be selfish and consume most of his day! But honestly I don't know why I told him that, I just need time to be DJ-free. I am so confused about him and everything, I know I love him for sure....but the question on whether I am in love with him is still in question. Sometimes I ask myself that: at times I could just feel it, then other times I just don't know if I do. That's just it, I don't know what it is, I'm so confused...I'm not so sure about anything any more. I don't know whether I want to be with him or not. I don't know what to do or think anymore. It's like he not even DJ anymore...when I first met him he loved basketball and that was his life! He played it all day and night...I complained about it so he stopped...that's where I made the mistake. I shouldn't have never tripped about it because now it just seems like I'm going with another me! He's saying things he don't believe and doing things he wouldn't normally do! Like for instance, when I asked do he think we should space out a little more, he asked me it back so he could answer the way I would answer. I never get his true insight on things and matters any more, he gives me my insight! He don't do what he ever thinks is best he'd do what he think I would want him to do! I don't know what to do or think anymore. Then I came to the conclusion that maybe it's his perfection that got me confused, maybe he should be with someone else. I am going to talk to him tonight about it.

Fast Fact: I am going to DJ aunt house today around 4, but I just started my period so it wont be none of that!

~Confused~

Princess

Mood:  not sure

O my Gosh! I don't even know where to start! Last night me and DJ was upstair in my room and the night before I told him that he can plan our day for the foloowing day...so we was fooling around in my room, and he asked did I finally want to try again to have sex so I was like no because I was sure Bri would walk in on us like always,her and Demarkis since he was here. But surprisingly they didn't! But we still didn't have sex,but he was trying to get me to say his name because he bit my lip and it's busted on the inside so i was like "oow DJ",so he tried numerous approaches to get me to say it again then he went down on me,that was the worse head I've ever had, and that was his first time doing it and he totally overreacted with it! That kind of got me mad! But I neverminded it....then later on in the night (when he finally got over that) he scared me when he was acting like he saw something in my room and that made me cry because Grandma used to live in that room! He also wrote me a poem, of course it had the same format of the poem I wrote him but it was so sweet...he says that he loves me but I don't know what way to take it because I know that I'm in love with him...but I don't know if that's what he mean.

Fast Fact: School starts bacck really soon....I don't want to go!

~Okay~

Princess

Mood:  hungry

Well I am going on a half-starving diet. Well actually I am not starving myself because I am going to eat a piece of fruit or some vegetable 2 times a day. Once from the times 10-1 and another 5-7. But I will also drink alot of water to make me feel full so it's cool. I also am going to exercise in the morning of Monday-Saturday...I am going to have a nice body...I don't want to be fat anymore!

Fast Fact: Me and Manny was on the phone some nights ago and he made me cry...

~I'm Cool,

Just a little hungry~

Princess

Mood:  not sure

I'm just so pissed at DJ right now! I can't believe he got mad at me because I said that maybe I'll be a virgin forever since I can't take the pain! He says that sex is important to him because he don't want to be a virgin forever, so I suggested that he have sex with another girl...and also added 'what makes you think we'll be together forever?' That's what really pissed him off I guess! I think I am just going to chill from him for a while because the last thing I need is a guy pressuring me to have sex with them, besides he's not in love with me anyways so that can wait until he does fall in love! I am soo damn mad though! I don't know what to do! I just can't believe he got mad at me and got his things to go...then tried to talk to me, I hope he got all his words out because he wont be talking to me for some time! I don't feel that I'm overreacting...after all this is my innocence we're talking about and sex is like a commitment to me! Your first becomes a part of you..and I just was to be assured that whoever it might be with will always be with me! I just don't know whether he ready to commit to that!

Fast Fact: I am ready to cry right now...and I miss Manny!

~Sad

Princess

Mood:  sad

Today was a nice day. Me,Mercedes,DJ,and Demarkis went out to eat at Old Country Buffet then afterwards we went inside the mall, where I saw Cassidy. Life been great with DJ, he's been good to me treating me with extra care, touching my body with passion and making every kiss we share full of love. I really do love DJ but I can truly say that my heart is not with him!

The person I feel for is Manny. I don't know how, but for those 2 weeks we spent together in the midst of that, I just fell for him and he fell for me too. But not that we're separated I don't know how to handle it. I mourn to feel his touch again! I loved being around him and the way he treated me...I love hearing him call me his angel, he was my angel too. I love the conversations we share over the phone, but I rather be near him not saying a word than away from him talking all day at any time! But it's just too bad that my cell is off and my mom battery is dead so we hadn't talked today, and I'm missing him now more than ever, I could just cry! I can't get any sleep and I don't know why....but he's just on my mind and I needed to get this out. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met...he got our picture made on a shirt, that's the nicest thing  a guy has ever done for me! I want to be in his arm now more than ever! I love him, but I know it's wrong because I have a boyfriend that I mean the world to that walks to come see me every day and does what I says without a problem and holds me whether I want to be held or not, but I just don't know why it's not him that's my everything when I'm his everything. He expresses how he wants to marry me when we get of the age and we even planned our future together with our children names and everything...but that's not it for me! I don't know if this is just a phase I am going through, but I think I have it bad for Manny, and I know he has it just the same for me! I think I should just stick with DJ, besides my family loves him and I love him too and I wouldn't think twice to say that he loves me too, so I am just going to have to go off that...but that don't mean that I don't still love Manny, because I do!

Confused,

Princess

Mood:  a-ok

Yesterday was crazy. Me and Dj was in my room again and was kissing and watching Juno and Tv, I gave him the biggest hickie ever. It's all over his neck but he liked it so it was whatever. I have a hickie too but it's nothing major compared to his! His is all around his neck, he was oohing and ahhing when I gave it to him. But today is his day to pleasure me, he is going to play with me, he wanted to do it yesterday but I was busy on his neck. He tried to have sex with me but I didnt want it to fail again, maybe today. Plus I didnt want to because he is not in love with me.

Fast Fact: I have a meeting today, Dre graduated yesterday. 6 more days until I leave.

~Ok~

Princess

Mood:  surprised

Me and DJ got so close to having sex. We tried but my hole was just so tight that he couldn't get it in no matter how much he played with me. Well I told him that I was a virgin so what could he expect. Let me start from the tops...him,me,Dre,and Keunna was in my room watching Coach WoodLock...or whatever the name of the movie is and so then when the movie was over Keunna and Dre left so then me and him was watching the Cookout and all and we was kissing then that movie went off and we started watching Catch That Kid and all thats where it all happened. He undid my pants and all and undid his belt buckle and then he fingered me and kept pushing it in but it was hurting so I was moaning then he tried to stick it in but he didn't want to force it so he stopped then fingered me again and tried again but still couldn't get it so we was kissing and moaning and whatever then  I said maybe we should try another day because it wasn't working so I changed my panties and put on some pajama pants and then we layed there and talked about it then we kissed some more then he left. That was crazy. I am just so shocked and it kind of hurt because of the fingering, I feel funny.

Fast Fact:Me and Dj talked about all he knew about sex and thats how we started to try, but it wasnt looking to goo

~In Pain~

Princess